Big “download”popped in and want to see if I can get it down while it is hot even though I lost a big part of the post. My experience since 4/14 after 5 1/2 months of sweet calm, MAJOR high frequencies (which other might call anxiety yet I prefer to see as energy) seeming to fry the nervous system fairly continuously. It has not been fun. Given that I spent 3/4 of this life in 24/7 anxiety it was quite hard not to land in victim and stay there. Then on 5/5 I was sitting at the coast in one of my favorite places on earth and this heart went into to a major pounding with high heart rate feeling accelerated to the max. OMG I wanted to make a story with a small violin playing whoa is me.
Here is what is fascinating. I was given a backstory that told me that I had arranged to be at the coast so when this energy wave hit, I would be maximally supported. Tears form in my eyes as i write this as I am now CERTAN this is what happened. I couldn’t catch my breath and had to sit for an hour with deep breathing to be able to walk back to the hotel.
I was just watching a video that to me is both so hopeful and so fits my direct experience and she says on 5/5/5 (for some reason I do not understand this is a 5 year) this HUGE wave of energy dropped us into an unprecedented, never before experienced timeline.
If you’ve read this far, this might make sense and you might see if it fits for you too. Yet the trauma story being processed through this body, witnessing how so much of my life for the last 20 years has been predicated on trying to create external safety in response to all the trauma I have been processing since 2004, has not been fun to recognize. Trust me I dropped into self attack and blame, comparison briefly before catching it and choosing again. Since May 1 the energy ramped up even more although kindly 5/4 was on of the best days of my life maybe to give me the strength to live through 5/5.
Then on my birthday the first part of the day was super ramped up energy with lots of deep breathing ending in a wonderful evening celebration. I have a story many are experiencing deep shadow/ trauma arising. I personally know a number of people who have contemplated suicide. I get it.
I truly wondered if I could sustain physically the level of energy pouring through. Part of me wonders why this brilliant clarity and joy is here now, eliminating the trauma. Was it the support of the archetypal theater, the three meals I was gifted over the last days, the vote of confidence from my friend John Mark who affirmed enough is enough is enough and I don’t need to explore trauma further, rather I can choose again to be in the new. Darlings, it get it can be sooooooo intense. I am so honored to know so many getting their butts kicked seriously right now. I am so honored to know a few who are completely in the new busily creating. Since April14 each day I have had a mini or major miracle. Yesterday my joy buddy Kim shared with me how she dove past one of her deepest fears and chose a major miracle. Yes, we must look past the 5 senses and conditioning to know it is possible. All I can say is the sky is not the limit, there is NO limit.is NO limit.s NO limit. NO limit.NO limit.NO limit.(the computer did the repeat not me.) Have fun and play well, right John Mark?
