(written one year ago and just as true)
GET REAL!
So just had the most delicious conversation with my miracle buddy and what a miracle she is for me! Both of us have had choppy weeks and for both of us it comes down to two things that tie together- the split mind and the desire/ need to get real that is roaring in like a locomotive. Then read how that is what is up astrologically, well yea, feeling it! So both of us were exploring how incredibly painful it is to do the human/ divine split dance, or should I say shit dance of thinking yea the divine part of me is so yummy- it is kind, it is loving, generous, spiritual, wise, high vibe etc. But that damn human keeps getting in the way, being anxious, uncertain, lonely, unclear, self judgmental and thinks it is on this mission to heal itself of being human. NO FREAKING WAY!!!
All this chasing our own tails in an endless loop of self improvement. I heard the poet David Whyte say when we give up that game we have to completely retool the mind factory. Yup! After eons of believing I need to get over being human, have my act together 24/7, DONE! Now maybe you’re perfect and if so god bless and too bad. Because this being human is a bit messy but i prefer that to riding up in the cloud on my chariot looking down on all you poor sods. We were exploring all the ways we have felt we need to be better then we are, fake it to fit in, pretend we are peace, love tie-dye when our heads are about to blow off. She was caught in a wave of shame and i was blaming the ole human again. A friend pointed this out so then I played the let’s bash savannah game for bashing savannah. It is ENDLESS my dear friend. It is an infinity loop from which there is no escape except to say yes to NOW.
At the same time we were celebrating how real we have been, how far we have moved letting go of conditioning, limitations, programing particularly considering both of our conditioning and foundations in bs. I spent 6 years in a private Catholic school. Talk about conditioning. For years I thought I’d go to hell and burn in ETERNAL DAMNATION for a childish prank I merely WITNESSED! Talk about toxic conditioning. Convincing a 7 year old they can burn for eternity if they make a mistake is kinda heavy.
This is why I post so many images taken in the Now as Now is the only moment that exist. And yes I apologize to any and all clients, students friends, family for faking it a lot. Orgasms are not the only thing that are faked. Pretending I like what you are saying or agree with it when I don’t, pretending I am always on a cloud of peace when I am not, pretending I am buying the fake love you are selling or that I am trying to fake. Pretending I am having a deep spiritual revelations when you are speaking when actually I am bored out of my gored, not feeling it. (OK that is one I rarely play now but I used to play for approval)
Yea I faked it a zillion times over the eons to belong but feeling pretty done with it now. We were exploring the incredible cognitive dissonance we feel when people say one thing yet our energy reads another thing is what they are actually experiencing. And I am not calling the kettle black, I have done it heaps. It happened yesterday where people were oohing and ahhing and i was yawning. Dare i say what i actually mean? I am drawn to calling together those that are willing to be real with me, get off the freaking spiritual cloud of unending happiness and play well which for me is to play authentically. Now that is what interest me, that is what brings me alive, that is what I am willing to invest my time and energy in.
Spent the week in low grade goo and this morning caught the play of self blame, self improvement, heal they self taking me down. The MOMENT I SAID YES! TO WHAT I WAS EXACTLY EXPERIENCING, THE INNER TURMOIL, THE TENSE SPINE AND completely let go of the need to be different, THE NEED TO BE MORE ANYTHING I RELAXED! Hello dear friends, yea I guess I will get kicked out of the high vibe tribe but am sure I will land in the get real tribe. And will finally feel at home. The feeling of Homecoming keeps landing more frequently. And yea it feels fabulous that often it is unicorns and rainbows. And super ok if it is tears and snot. True confession. I blew my nose on my sock as that is all i had. Unfriend me if you wish! But keep it real.
