So so so much gratitude. I simply have to express my profound gratitude to a certain individual. I can’t remember exactly when we met nor how often we have met. Yet in a very real way, I have never felt so seen and understood by a man.
Yesterday I had something big emerging. I was in a birthday circle with three other men. I named that for me to be in a field with men and be willing to bring the intensity, to be willingly held in that energy was a gift. What was and is being activated in me is a new visceral connection to the Field. It was coming through so strong yesterday and to have three men willing to hold with me as it emerged, such a gift.
Yet it was one man in particular where my attention was glued, where his word’s were rose petals of understanding. I named FEELING profoundly seen. Yet later the gift expanded. I wrote him my appreciation and was a bit disappointed when I heard nothing back that day. (hello, time difference which I knew but still had to accept that I might receive no response.) When I woke up to a long message from him that further elucidated my experience to me, Mama mia, ticker tape parade. He nuanced things he had witnessed that gave me even more clarity and celebration. I know it was this experience that gave me the fuel to show up 100% myself in the next circle even as the facilitator.
I am witnessing how many of us put so much pressure on ourselves to perform, as one friend put it, like circus monkey’s, when we are in that role I have spent the last year dismantling that “role” in myself yet still got caught big time just last week. Yet I digress. To be so seen and heard by this man, to be understood, was like warm honey soothing my energetic field. It is not uncommon for people to experience me as “too” intense or whatever. I should not have been surprised to discover he has the same enneagram and thus, to some degree, the same intense yearning. All I know is this man has already, by simply being himself, lavished me with so many internal gifts. I bow.
p.s. waiting to see if he wants to be named, I no longer assume that sort of thing which, trust me I used to do and was shocked to discover was not always welcomed.
