I just came from the most extraordinary circle. In it I brought the primal energy that has been arising in this one over the last four days. I have felt very young, as though I am in kindergarten. Yesterday in a circle, the energy arose in a very playful way but quickly seemed to get shut down. It was the perfect set up for today. Today I decide to bring it all in. I was extremely fortunate to be with two people which I felt not only could hold in Presence, it felt to me that their willingness to hold with me gave me the room to have this primal energy take over my being. It felt like a rebirth. In childhood, it felt as though I lived in a frozen tundra. I did not feel I had the holding I so desperately needed. To go back and hold that within felt like it supports me in reclaiming the power I gave away at that time, when I felt so desperate for external support which of course as a child, I did need. To go back in and support myself, wow. Without these two angels I do not feel I would have had the inner space to go so deep into this primal wound.
To be clear I am not blaming anyone from my childhood, only naming my experience. In the very short circle I felt my heart bursting and at some points was panting and grunting. Truly felt like rebirth. Without these two angels, would have gone differently. Feel so supported by them and the Mystery. One crucial factor is they both named seeing me as powerful. This is the perfect antidote of how I have bought the cultural story that vulnerability is weakness. To reclaim my authentic self and my power, my intention for 2021, I have to fully own sensitivity and depth without seeing any of it as weakness. One person also named my joy. I was laughing in parts of it. Yet that he saw my joy through the snot and wails felt deeply validating. I felt so seen by both of them. Have asked their permission to name them, will include if they agree.
