I often have extremely powerful circles yet yesterday was one that blew it out of the water. Years ago I facilitated abundance groups yet this one still alluded me, as it seems it does for many “Light-workers.” So when I saw there was a circle on money, I skipped events I have paid for to attend.
I have been exploring how I have two powerful associations with money, freedom and slavery. Any surprise I energetically have my foot on the gas and the brakes? Yesterday I got to dive in. Turns out I was sitting on a well of grief so vast I literally felt incapable of holding it alone. There were nine of us which I suspect is the largest circle I have ever been in. I said it felt as though I needed each of them to hold the grief that came up. Traveling around the world I witnessed immense poverty yet at a time I was incapable of processing it. I was horrified yet with no clue what to do with it. It came rushing out yesterday.
Two scenes from our world travels witnessing abject poverty stand out to me. The most horrifying was sitting in a cab (unheard of luxury since our budget for two of us was literally $30 a day for everything except travel expenses like planes.) At a red light I looked out the window and saw a man with no arms or legs, propelling himself on a little rolling platform, using his stubs to draw a spectacular image in chalk on the blistering pavement. It was right before the monsoons and the heat was unbearable for us yet this man was in the blazing sun creating magnificent art. The image is seared in my memory. My mouth fell open, the light changed to green and we moved away.
Yet it is only know that I have/ had enough Spacious Presence to enter that profound grief. With a lot of energetic help from my friends, I dove into the grief and swam in its waters. Working with energy for over 15 years has given me the ability to go in fast and totally. In other words, I completely embody the emotion. I was the essence of grief. Grief was the totality of my experience. The amazing thing is when I do this, it passes quickly. I think the longest in the last months has been 20 minutes. In this case as often happens, the body was burning up with heat as energy moved and tears poured out.And then I pop in to a state of such joy. I often laugh uproariously. I did this time. I could only look at a few people on the screen as sometimes i am met with things other then total acceptance and approval.
This time my facilitator was very skilled. I was shocked and grateful to later find out how young he is. He is totally my earth angel for yesterday and I am super grateful to Avery and all the participants of the circle. It was also useful to name my process: embody the emotion fully, yesterday I called it going in deep and totally. And then the purification pops me into a new reality of ever greater freedom. Not for everyone. over the years only a few of my clients used to be willing to go the distance. Yet lately seems more than ever will make the descent and find the heaven that awaits those who are willing to enter the well of grief (thank you David Whyte.) So much more happened as I SAW and KNEW money is a neutral energy. I had to apologize to money for being an ingrate as it is money that allowed me to see the world, get a powerful education during my Master’s program, adopt my daughter, live in wealth for. short time. Yet while I still had such a negative association, with accompanying guilt, money continued to play peek-a boo with me. But money and I had a little chat and I have decided to date money and see if we can improve our relationship. Lucky I have years of relationships training, maybe it will help. Will keep you posted. I had to apologize for even blaming money. The message I got from money was, “I can be anything you want me to be.” (i.e money is energy, we get to decide how to use it.) And yes ultimately I agree we will be doing away with money. I honor those who are choosing not to engage directly with money or as little as possible and see the vital role they are playing. Yet my role is different. I am willing to play with what is currently our method of exchange and see what good I can do with it, how much joy we can have together. Can’t wait to see what happens.
P.S. It occurs to me that those who wish us to believe money is the root of all evil are the same ones that abscond with money to have money over with greed, corruption and destruction, inequality.
P.S.S. Is it a surprise that two clients “magically” arose yesterday after the session after so many months of minimal income?
