Joy experiment, day 11:
My biggest ah ha about joy is it requires me to drop not just out of fear but it’s kissing cousin, victim. What I see happened is that the last energetic upgrade was so physically intense, combined with everybody and their mother saying the next days/ weeks moths/ years are going to be so intense that this little mind was smoking and totally running my life long victim story of being an empath.
Now not surprisingly, I had never seen/ recognized that it was a victim story. I thought it was imply a fact. Yea, too bad you were born at this time with this level of density/ intensity. Your just screwed baby. Of course I had become conscious of this story line and worked to free myself, first by recognizing it is the mind not the body creating this trauma. (and perhaps the heart is behind it all but that part not clear yet.)Yet actually I was like this is this one’s nervous system and there is nothing I can do about it. Bad luck you poor darling.
It is a story I might have stuck to forever until for me the energy felt literally incapacitating for quite some days. I was like no freaking way I can handle this for years more. So at first I totally flipped out and sunk into the victim story which I am guessing is inevitable. Reading the 55th gene key helped me put it all in perspective. It is our generation, these times that are moving us out of victim. These end times require us to realize any and all victim consciousness. First we have to see it, no small thing. Once I saw the light at the end of the tunnel I slithered my way to that opening. So I had to FULLY allow all the energies, however intense they might feel WITHOUT IDENTIFICATION OR STORY. It is just the phase I am in and all identification to story is PERFECT until we are done playing in that particular play ground. My sense is we have little maybe zero control over timing.
But now I could see the door. In hindsight I can say that those intense energies were of course purifying the cellular density. I knew that at that time but can now see that on top of what was required, I added the pressure of the victim story. Which is not to say I might not again fall into a victim trance. If so, hopefully I will see it sooner and pop out to simply allow the passthrough without the gnashing of teeth.
Since then an incredible simplicity has swept through my life where my focus is exclusively (if I stay awake) on what brings me my highest excitement/ joy. Truly just making soup, watching a show, snuggling in a fuzzy blanket can bring the greatest joy. The other thing is that yesterday for the first time I was able to be in town for 8 hours and run tons of errands. Previously I had kept my attention on the density of fear which is surely there. Now I kept my attention almost exclusively on the magic and wonder, expecting miracles and earth angels everywhere and grateful yet not surprised when they kept popping up throughout the day. I had shifted my attention and thus had a fabulous day where I was not depleted but energized. Previously I would run one or two errands and then have to slink home wiped out.
Ah, this joy experiment is such a blast. Someone I know from my circling community said she found me to be constantly “revelatory.” I would say that fits my experience. Part of it is this nervous system has “forced” me to do what it takes to get free. But as I am discovering, it is alignment with my gene keys that are unlocking the codes to my purpose which is to be a visionary and to model the new earth. A play in progress.
