For the last month or two tenderness has been a priority for me. For the last week twice I have been guided to dive into the grief of knowing that my parents, most parents ( including me as a parent) were not able to provide all the tenderness, compassion, love, nurturing that we so richly deserve and needed. Now to provide that compassion and love for myself is the order of the day.
Yesterday I had the courage to explore this and how it was playing out with a beloved. I saw my tendency to go into my old pattern of withdrawal and coldness that seemed to serve me as a child. My family seemed to value not being emotional, certainly not being vulnerable. So to allow myself to be vulnerable was very powerful yesterday. I could feel myself holding myself regardless of outcome.
And what’s fascinating is the last two times I entered this vast grief and the body was shaking at an extreme level, within less than an hour it returned to a state of peace. Fascinating to witness how fast these deep resonances can be cleared. 
