I see you, I love you

For six months since March I exercised almost every day despite the gym being closed for much of that time. For six week, I hardly exercised at all as the energy of transformation and transmutation preoccupied this body and mind. How delicious to (almost) completely be at peace with both those behaviors. How yummy to actually want to take a walk today and greet my old stomping ground.These last weeks have created a huge inner earthquake, disrupting old limitations and conditioning. For this one, took tremendous concentration to stay out of some old story lines and enter the new feet first, yelling what a ride! The first three weeks were tough, the first days the toughest until I was able to drop resistance and surrender to the full physicality of the surging energies. For three days straight I lay in my hammock drooling. One day was one of the most challenging ever and it felt certain I would lose my mind and be confined to being a victim of what was arising for eternity.

Yet on the other side is so much more love and acceptance, sense of ease and neutrality, competency as one non preferred situation after another arises barely causing a ripple of unease. One of the most delicious outcomes has been twice having a loved one yell, yet me allowing the energy to pass through the body and literally see the conditioning the loved one was expressing. With that vision and awareness it was relatively easy to move through the physical sensations to neutrality and then Love. Just now (oops caps, to lazy to retype)AFTER HAVING TO HANG UP FROM THE YELLING, BREATH THROUGH AND SEE WHERE IT WAS ALL COMING FROM, THEN CHOOSING TO DO SOMETHING LOVING for the person. And no worries, I am not a doormat yet to have another not react to my unskillful behavior is such a gift that I was happy to be able to return the kindness. There is something so satisfying to me about being non reactive to ego in self or other. With this neutrality it seems to just melt away leaving ever more expansive vistas of Love in its wake. I felt the other’s heart melt back into peace after I was non reactive to the outburst. Something so incredibly liberating about this. Each day I seem to feel the cost of separation ever more acutely and be grateful when I can choose again, choose peace.

And at the same time also accepting if I feel like a snarling witch. Loving that expression within (almost) equally. Ah, such sweet relief.

LATER:

I just had the thought this is what the Bible means when we are exhorted to turn the other cheek. Who knew it would feel so satisfying?