On deep surrender. I just got off a call speaking about deep surrender. So much is happening that is not meeting my preferences. I am unable to go outside due to toxic air, it is hot, I can’t be in nature, my life is still very often in isolation, I still have minimal income etc. I have had so many inner awarenesses come in yet my outer world does not yet look much as I prefer. I am extremely grateful to experience deep peace and a calm nervous system after a lifetime of this being an issue. In the past I would probably feel, after all of this inner work, is that all there is? I can feel a little victim wants to pop in that needs my love and attention. Yet the thing that calls me again and again is an ever deeper level of surrender. So much has happened in the last week that is not “desirable” that before I would feel crushed. Now there is almost an excitement to surrender more fully to the now even if it seems to suck. Almost inexplicable. I almost have to laugh that I am even writing this. There is this profound inner acceptance of this one called savannah. She is who she is and there is a sense of adoring her quirks and idiosyncrasies.
The bomb went off within 2 1/2 months ago and I was “required” to give up rescuing or being rescued. I was directed to an inner sovereignty that is currently taking so much of my attention and inner resources to really be able to hold for myself, whatever arises. There is a huge compassion and space that become ever vaster to hold myself within. Yes, John Mark’s Spacious Presence comes to heart. The space within me continue to expand to meet the needs of this precious human who can feel tossed about in these wild times. Yes, even this I will surrender to. Yes, I had to have my ass kicked over and over to really get that resistance is futile. You got it Eckhart, the power of Now. And as an interesting aside just had a little conversation about seeing so many super powers arrive perhaps in the wake of this surrender. And what is up on my radar right now is the recognition of how I have used ultra spiritual to keep this tender heart safe. Time to let that one go. Ah, such an interesting, alive ride even when it is not much fun. And another deep arrival. so much TRUST. It is happening, so somehow far beyond my capacity to see, this is serving me/us. I wonder what miracle will arrive from this experience? And now “trigger” arrives yet usually no emotional or even mental reaction, often now not even thought. More like a celebration. In the past this would have flipped me out. Now i am curious how it will support me in purifying the enslavement programs. Kinda crazy to witness this inner general lack of resistance.
