So May has been a kick ass month for me. A number of times I have felt squeezed in to an inch of my life. All that is false is being ejected with razor precision. I think it would be save to say it has not been comfortable. I could give you the peace, love tie-dye version or the more brutal one, both have validity. Here is the bottom line: as I face a CORE limiting belief I have definitely had a few rides on the victim train. I gave that story a fly by to my soul sister and she wasn’t having it. We have been exploring the need to embody, to get out of spiritual mumbo jumbo land and give spirituality some legs. I see how I had spent decades in emotional prostitution, selling my soul for some love. Now I see I did the same with spirituality: bend me, shape me any way you want to long as you love me (person or god) it’s all right. In this case I wanted to get free of that messy human suffering so I let some perfect characters convince me the way out was to leave that grubby savannah behind in the dust. Just forget her, give a sh*t about her. Yea, I noticed a little trauma arise with that approach but if I stick it long enough, surely it will turn out great. That was the promise and even though it didn’t all add up, I went for it like a drunk on a bender.
So I snapped out of that trance with a couple of nasty emails a few months ago where I finally decided to have a little compassion for that creature, that wounded one currently called savannah. I see I am not alone in coming to these realizations. Seems like my buddy Matt Kahn is coming to something similar (love how i read him backing me up AFTER I figured it out.) So my pity party wasn’t all that fun and decided to reverse the errors of my own story. In a hot second, I wrote my soul sister another story and was like holy cow, how did I fall for my own bull-cocky? I can quote it if anybody needs some evidence but in a nutshell I have had an EXTRAORDINARY life. Yea, felt about two inches tall a number of times this month but so what? Seriously, what meaning do I give that? That I am toast? Or that I am having all the CR*P cleared so I can rock this crazy new earth and play freaking amazing well? Hum, which one will I, will we choose?
p.s. a dear heart sister was caught in the same victim energy and part of me wanted to support her limitations, not easy to not to jump in the pit to rescue, same with a dear relative. But as my sister Vera said, the real heroes are the ones doing the inner work that releases the roots of this entanglement, not the ones playing the rescue game. And so much mercy to the one that feels it is all a bit much. This is not a shake down, this is a journey of compassionate courage and allowance of WHATEVER arises, the “ugly” or the beautiful.
