August 5
Today is my daughter’s 18th birthday. Her Presence in my life helped me reclaim the frequency of unconditional Love and Innocence. Through her I Remembered more fully Who I am. She has been the greatest gift to support me in my return to Holy Relationship. There are no words, only Love. Thank you Beloved. I now know you as sister. The journey to this moment is one that can never be expressed in words and has required more courage than i knew I could muster to release specialness. How exquisite to declare myself and her as whole, perfect and complete and to begin to know the same for each of us
On specialness and holiness:
It has been well over a decade ago that I became fascinated by special vs. holy relationship as I slowly began to recognize what a puppet I had been to co-dependency basically my whole life. I somehow had avoided becoming ensnared in two early highly dependent relationship, not marrying either of the two men that proposed to me in high school yet it was a close call. So a decade ago I listened to numerous tapes on the topic of special relationships and slowly began to look within to how my support system was primarily externally based. As my marriage crumbled, triggering panic and terror, the gift was forcing me to FEEL what arose as that external support was dismantled. Yet on many levels i shifted the grid work to my daughter. Luckily she was too strong just to bow to the weight and for a number of years we tussled in both love and conflict. Yesterday’s ritual was the culmination of may lifetimes of seeking salvation externally. My commitment was put quickly to the test with the “stackers” providing an ideal scenario to see where I truly was. First I got to watch the tattoos I had long dreaded yet had finally come to accept begin drawn on Ciela’s wrist. Then something else occurred to test my resolve. Here is the miracle my friends. After a lifetime of seeking salvation externally, primarily in relationships, the I Am That spaciousness i have cultivated for so long finally held and i was able to remain almost completely neutral as various events unfold in direct opposition to my hopes and dreams. I was able to grant sovereignty to all involved, honoring the inherent innocence and wisdom of all, step out of the role of king maker who supposedly knows best. I can not describe the sense of empowerment or the joy of connecting without need, without the desire to subconsciously imprison another to ensure my needs are met, to no longer be consumed with a sense of neediness. To witness the love and harmony that prevails when we see only innocence, let go of attachment. Believe me, the angels danced.
danced.
