Knowing I am Supported by Source, Day 1:
Perhaps some of you followed my 32 day process focusing on miracles to strengthen my awareness of all the daily miracles in my life. It takes between 28-32 days to create a habit in the brain, to firmly shift the direction of our focus. These times are great at highlighting all the ways we feel limited, victimized. This change of attention, of awareness is a great antidote. I would be delighted to have you join me in the comments or at home if that tickles your fancy. If you like, take a paper and mark 32 squares. Be sure to write down all the ways you are supported that you notice each day or, not quite as effective, say them to yourself. If you miss a day, even day 31, start all over. This is a skill I learned in graduate school at University of Santa Monica.
Yesterday I had a huge breakthrough in answering a deep intention that has lived in me for a very long time, to know I sustained exclusively by the Love of God (ACIM.) I was supported by coming across a journal from my twenties. While I only read a few pages while waiting on hold, what I read viscerally reminded me of the extraordinary level of co-dependency and neediness I have experienced to a greater or less degree all my life, until now. In earlier years it was at crisis level. I had literally forgotten how excruciating it was. Over the last seven years I have had little external support on a day to day basis, in many ways no support. This was after 28 straight years of having an adoring husband and, before that, loving partner so the shock was extreme. I do have emotional support worldwide but, take out the trash support, none except my daughter. Only last week I real eyes I felt mildly betrayed by Source, bit victimized as I innocently used a favorite ego trick of comparison and felt sad others appear to have so much more support then i do. While I have emotional support world wide, locally I was on my own unless it was at emergency level where I knew I could reach out. No adult to make me a cup of tea when down with the flu, no one to support me during the times I could not get out of bed with ascension symptoms etc. Mostly I was fine with it until I real eyes-ed I still preferred 3D support then being supported by Source until I had a huge breakthrough speaking with Nouk Sanchez and being held by my TTC family last week. I was able to witness the void, the feeling of being suspended in mid air about to crash in a way that literally had me mildly hyper ventilating. Since I allowed myself to fully dive into that fear and surrender it, I have shifted to now truly wanting to know I am supported by Source and let go of the NEED for external support. I see that it is absolutely true that this was exactly what I needed, for my highest good to have the appearance of external support removed so i could fully embody and own the internal support that has always been there, not yet fully claimed. I may write in the next 32 days about lovely ways I feel eternally supported yet I know the true miracle is now real eyes-ing it is the internal KNOWING that is the best and truest support. These last seven years of appearing as though I had little support were the exact medicine I needed to restore to wholeness my certainty I am truly sustained by the Love of God, an unshakeable support that is the answer to all my prayers. Now that I have owned that, will not be surprised if the floodgates of external support can now open wide without negating my deepest desire.
