On the power of word: Two nights ago I hardly slept and heard myself tell my friend Karin three times that I was so tired. I literally felt myself get more tired each time I said it until I felt dizzy and nauseous and felt a major pity party coming on as I fell into my poor me story. I felt the symbolism of three times and thought of the betrayal of Judas, knowing my previously unconsious behavior was somehow self betrayal. I went WHOA! and immediately changed my mind by dropping it, dropping that thought and literally giving it no more thought. The tiredness dissolved very quickly. I was super impressed to witness this rapid shift in my body. In no way did/do I blame myself for this pattern as I know it is about awakening consciousness.
I caught myself doing the same with 100 degree heat, complaining to people about it. Caught myself again and stopped that story. Both of these are things I have played with for years. The tiredness seldom impacts me now and even the heat effects me less and less.
In the past I would not have believed how it is the mind telling the body how to feel. I truly felt at the mercy of what my body signaled me about my emotions and even things like tiredness and heat. This was a huge lesson to slowly witness how mind mind always takes precedent and in fact my body is merely my mind’s servant.
There is something in A Course in Miracles where it says you will come to the point where you will not be able to tolerate the slightest irritation or disagreement. And how, certainly witnessing that in myself.
When I follow my passion, I feel energized and alive. When I follow my mind into a victim story, I immediately feel drained.
I heard a story of a tribe that allows anyone to tell their story three times with full attention. After that they literally turn their back on the person if they repeat the story. Seems a bit harsh to me in the face of a tragedy or death but I get the point. I adore how my friends and I support each other in staying out of the disempowering energy of victim.
At the same time many of my friends will tell you I was a huge drama queen with a humongous victim consciousness for a long time.
I write this to bring awareness. If you are stuck in a pity party, love the one who feels that way, who thinks that way. Shame and blame get us nowhere except deeper in the mud. Can we make a no shame/blame deal? Love is always the answer. This is about awareness and choice.