Just had a wild experience. I have to restore files to my computer after it failed. My other computer decided to stop working today at the same time. Yesterday I found the restoring process stressful and confusing. My blood pressure went through the roof and when I looked in the mirror my face was all red. This is an old pattern of freak out when I feel either totally out of control or totally inadequate to the task at hand.
So today I decided to do it differently. My blood pressure was already high as I placed the call. I had trouble understanding the instructions. At this point I am literally unable to send an email as my Pages application is gone. I have an important opportunity with a narrow deadline requiring email. I decided to say all my freak out, inadequacy, confusion is ok and to just keep sending love to myself. I decided that loving myself was more important then restoring the computer or getting this opportunity. I kept taking deep breaths when I could not understand the instructions. I was willing to let it all go rather then keep pressuring myself. While on hold I checked my blood pressure and the lower pressure was down 40 points from dangerously high to super low! Holy cow, it that ain’t proof positive of the power of this intention. I finally get it, how you go through the process is the important thing, not the results. I feel like a huge load has been lifted off of me. Thank you Mystery, lesson learned!
later, with more detail
:
I posted this on another site and decided to post this here too, follow up to my shitstorm day yesterday:
Yesterday the stackers stacked up about 12 stressful situations; i actually sailed through the first 6 and then I lost it again, freaking out. My blood pressure let’s me know instantly. I remembered a post about transcending a very challenging mental condition and Matt’s post about it all being ok. Here is the awesome part. I realized I let my survival fears trump self love. SHIT! When I saw that I was like no way jose! So while the computer person was blabbing on about stuff that was incomprehensible I just held my inner one in love telling her its ok,, its ok, you are more important to me then even survival. I will take care of you and not let survival fears push you into a corner and tell you to shut up. It was a moment of such inner triumph with my pressure came down 40 points to very low! I realized I had seen how I took dominion of exhaustion when I flew back from Austria and managed on about 4 hours of sleep in 50 hours, it was possible. So it is also possible for me to stay calm even when it feels like my survival is at stake. And is it really at stake, come on! Over an article in a magazine deadline so I need my computer to work NOW. DEADLINE, perfect word. I’ll be dead on the line if I don’t cool it. I am so awesome because I know how self love can heal the body and is my first priority.
The night ended with an event I’d planned and looked forward to fell apart. I was only mildly upset. Then when one more thing happened and I swear I almost laughed. I also got some loving support from a friend so that was icing on the cake. Then later when something good seemed like it might occur I was neutral, no more of this attaching to outcome.