Beloveds,
Want to share something I am chewing on. The other day a loved one crossed a boundary that has been crossed often. It is trivial in a way yet because it happens often I gave way to self righteous harshness in the way I clearly set the boundary. At first I felt proud of myself until I could sense the other’s hurt and withdrawal, pulling back from our normal loving connection. I witnessed how because I was never allowed to set a self protective boundary as a child, the only way I had learned to set one as an adult was with a harsh energy. I felt sad about this. It happened again and even though I set the boundary without harshness, by now the person withdrew in a significant way and I am left with a feeling of loss that deeply penetrates my heart. This person is one who shuts down when I try to speak directly about it. So what to do?
First I am loving myself and my sadness and sending love to the other. I will try to address it directly. In the meantime it strengthened my resolve to spend more energy on appreciating the love sent my way and less energy on feeling the need to protect myself. I am learning at a ever deeper level that it is my vulnerability that is my strength. I am praying for the wisdom to find my way out of the hole I dug myself into. I have no judgment about it, rather I am grateful for my awareness and sensitivity to ever more minute experiences of separation. Amazing how even the most minor experiences of separation from loved ones can cause pain. For me it is holy pain directing me back Home to myself.
remembering the joy of being
