I am having an extremely difficult day yet was graced with this amazing gift of encouragement from a friend Maureen; she is blessing us all by allowing me to share it:
I have been wanting to speak to this, it’s good for me too to share with another who has experienced this too. But other things called me away. This is on my mind though, I asked how can I be different with this old patterning, and I got new answers to perceive it differently.
I am not totally free of anxiety. But I guess it feels like I am compared to a relentless lifetime of it. The part that has changed is the constant raging anxiety. It’s more like a low grade anxiety now if and when it does show up and it’s not constantly present, and long periods without. So I am defining two types of anxiety for myself. The crippling paralyzing anxiety, raging volcanic type and the milder niggle type. So far I have felt I’m past the raging type, although I can think of a few situations in my life where that could trigger it again, but I’m not even sure of that.
So what is this anxiety? What is the nature of it? It feels like fear to me. It feels like a lack of faith and trust and confidence. If I fully trusted life and myself and my higher self that guides this life, if I had full faith and confidence in my existence and full knowing that everything is for my highest good then why would I feel this energy of anxiety. Anxiety takes you out of the body, leaves you feeling ungrounded, not safe. It’s an energy that races forward too fast.
So for me then I’d have to say its a continued journey of deepening. Deepening into absolute faith, trust and confidence. Anxiety is an energy that doesn’t feel stable. It’s an energy that rushes forth, but to where.
In these new energies, whatever we call them, there seems to be no reliance on reference points. This place of moving into the flow of life, that stream that is the orchestrated and synchronized journey for us, it is a new type of feeling safe and grounded again, but this time safe and grounded in a deep inner way, not reliant on anything out there in our world, home, life. It is grounded deeply firmly in knowing this unshakable faith and confidence no matter what circumstances arise. You still have that firmly rooted feeling in this unshakable faith in god, and you, that everything is right as it should be.
So now, I feel anxiety is new, has new meaning. It’s a call to deepen this confidence and faith to trust life and know that life has your best highest interest at heart in every moment. And each experience presented is only out of the greatest love for you to call you home. Even if that feels like anxiety.
The only way I know deeply fully and absolutely how to function in life no matter what arises is to lay down with any energy arising, to get into bed with it, and get deeply intimate with it, and look it deeply and fully and directly in its eyes. When you can do that you can only see the love of the divine there. You see the eyes of the divine staring back at you with gentle love.
There is no way around any energy but through it. But I will say there is a mastery to this. And its ongoing. I know that everything that arises is only a means to help me practice learning love. To remember again my eternal love affair with the divine I am. Laying down with these energies was the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I started some two years ago, from a writing from Matt Lucia. It was so hard to do. But incrementally it worked. My body started to relax, unravel and breathe. So so hard and fearful. And yet here I am now and its like night and day in what I’ve achieved. Truly deeply profoundly amazing. My constant daily life all my life was in raging terror/fear/panic/anxiety. That is what I had to start laying down with, and allow it to exist within me and eventually practice loving it.
With each stage of energy arising we are still practicing remembering this eternal love. Anxiety gets our attention. The feeling is not soft or gentle. And we practice our way to more gentling and softening. Because this is the frequency of love, sweet soft gentle breeze of love. Anxiety is all about love. Anxiety is all about a deeper call to even more mastery. It’s not meant to hurt us, it is meant to call us deeper. It gets our attention to focus our consciousness in a certain way that says here, lay down with me, look deeply into me, and see your eternal self here.
Anxiety’s only purpose is love. We are the master parent in progress who practices looking upon this raging energy called anxiety with love, softenss, gentleness, unconditional love. We continually practice mastery of the qualities of eternal love. If you have anxiety arising it is the loving call of the divine saying here, look here, practice more here. And through your practice you are being surrendered and gentled and softened into the qualities of pure love, divine self care.
And the beauty is it does not take along time anymore. It is not a long route home. It only asks for your time and attention and focus. And being the nature of how the human conditioning was constructed it takes a powerful energy to break through to reach you and get your attention. But always know it is only a loving call, this anxiety. This will move fast if only you give it your full attention, and to the best of your ability at a pace that is comfortable for you, practice loving what arises.
I know I tell you nothing new. I know you are master and I know you always take care of you to the best of your ability. There is nothing you are doing wrong. There is nothing you need to fix. And only what you need to love, that’s all, its always the same answer to everything. And I know you know that too. No way around only through. This is a constant journey of ever deepening. When you look deeply and intimately with pure love into the eyes of divine anxiety all the love you’ve ever endlessly wanted shines back at you, and all the joy you’ve ever wanted shines back at you. This is your joy calling to you, go to it.
I know you can do this. I know you to be the bravest most beautiful shining light I know. So dedicated to self care and self love and busting through every challenge you are divinely given in life. The way is short through this, just continue on as I know you to masterfully do everyday, every moment. I know it’s not always easy, but we do the best the can and that is all that is asked and its. I am always happy to talk about this and to receive your insights too. All I’ve stated here has been what cause my gradual shift and turning points. Anxiety is hard, I just want you to know that I this deeply.