This began as a tribute to my friend Jeff and all members of the first wave of ascension. Yet it morphed into a recognition of a big sea change internally. It seems my external world is beginning to align more with my internal world. These are my postcards from the edge of this journey that is being called ascension.
I adore you Jeff. You inspire me. I wanted to bless as you did before I was ready. I subtly made myself wrong for my timeline being what is was. I caught it immediately and loved the one who was doing that. Yet it is now so clear to me that while I was locked into the story of a problem me, there was not enough room to truly bless others. I would do so but it was first let’s pay attention to this problem me, then with whatever I have to spare, I can bless others, serve the Mystery. Of course that was perfect but it was hard to see that then. The first three weeks of September were a bear for me. After so many challenges and years of clearing to have such intensity again after a longer period of freedom was not fun. It was hard to keep the faith, hard to trust it was serving me, hard to believe this transformation/ transmutation could ever end. Yet I am now cautiously optimistic that it might truly be over, at least the heavy lifting.
I hear so many stories of so much suffering amongst the first wavers. Like many, I have felt like an outcast from family as I was so far outside the norm, so far outside of family’s view of success. For so long I felt incapacitated by solar flares, knocked hither and yon by astrological events. I would ask people, did you feel that, is this flattening you and the answer almost always was no. Even friends for the most part did not seem to experience things as I did. How could I love myself when I had no clue why this was happening to me? It didn’t feel like a gift, it felt like a curse. To keep faith and trust for so long was very difficult.
Luckily online I found my tribe, first with Think with Your Heart and then with friends of Matt Kahn. I no longer felt like the lone ranger. I saw others suffered as I did, were faced with seemingly endless challenge. Now I knew why this was happening and how it was meant to serve. Yet is was still often brutal.
So the blood moon, eclipse comes along. For the last week and a half I felt lighter but for the last two days I do feel like something is radically different. This sense of self identification with a problem me has mostly dissipated. I no longer feel so identified with this savannah, this personality as the totality of my existence. Ground is opening up beneath me. My heart has opened even more. While I still adore this chick called savannah, there is more room for the suffering of the planet. There is more room to bless each of you dear hearts. There is more room to hear each of your stores, to see how much so many have suffered for so long, silently without any ticker tape parades thanking you for your courage, for your tenacity, for your love, for your light. I feel moved to tears in this moment as I want to take time to thank each of you. I see that I have 633 friends, seems like a good number. Many of you are sensitive hearts like me, many have gone through innumerable challenges, many of you are coming from such love I am truly inspired. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done, are doing, will do. You are such a gift, you are a true miracle. I am in your debt; the planet is in your debt. May you know your own magnificence, I bow.
remembering the joy of being
