I know that word can feel harsh, stupid, but I feel like being very spiritually disobedient and saying a mean word. I actually used it because when I was being trained as a therapist we used to say, “it’s the relationship, stupid,” meaning the only thing to really focus on was the relationship between the therapist and the client. The way I work with clients now is it is still always about the relationship yet now the relationship I focus on is the relationship between the client and her/him self.
I am in this place where I totally know that it is not doing that does anything. What do I mean? Aren’t we all focused on doing things differently, hoping for a different result? So if we only chanted more, worked harder, used more positive thinking, meditated more, tried harder, life would be different, right? Not my experience. I have done all of those thing and, in the past, I did often slowly get results. But my sense is this was a 3D toy that it is now time to put down. I tell myself to put it down, I try to put it down but, especially when it comes to money, I feel I must DO something or be screwed. I feel the fear in this moment that I am not doing enough which is keeping me locked in mild scarcity. Then my own mind becomes my enemy, huh? Like I should tear my brain out or something crazy. Then I chase my own tail. If I had more uplifting thoughts THEN I’d be abundant. Might be true but then where is my innocence, I am trashing myself for negative thoughts which sure doesn’t feel loving. Several people in a group I am in seem to get this no-doing state but since I don’t know how to Vulcan mind Meld (star Trek) it doesn’t help me.
I now fully understand why I want to lose my identity which previously felt like a very bad idea. When I was in that state of bliss some week ago, no one was there. I was a field of energy and everything around me reflected the blissful state I was in. I did nothing to make that happened, it arose naturally from the energy I was emitting. People responded to me like I was the nectar of the gods, which I was. I see clearly doing is only do do yet my mind keeps trying to spin me back there. Yea, I know to love the one that feels this way and I am giving it my best shot yet feels fake, Yea, I’m doing it anyway but feels all rather bah humbug. I actually do fully recognize that this exact moment is for my highest good, of this I have NO doubt. I even feel the giggles that are usually not too far away. I see how all my effort and trying keep me stuck to the tar baby. Yea, I get it or maybe it got me.
Already feeling the energy shifting and having compassion for hard I can sometimes still be on myself. In this moment genuine love is arising and compassion, adoring the one in dodo mind. All is well. Actually who is it that is in dodo mind and who is it that watchs the one in dodo mind. Feels like I am channeling my buddy Eckhart.