Let’s start with recapping the Full Moon/Eclipse. The Sabian symbol for the degree of Saturday’s Full Moon (15 Libra) is “circular paths.” The energy brings back the past, repeating patterns of the past, and feelings about the past. This is the energetic that is still in effect, since we are still in the Full Moon phase…
…This energy often brings the culmination of a realization that has been slowly emerging, especially realizations related to losses and relationships. We can let go of any blocks (or hardened armor) that we think keeps us protected… http://www.oraclereport.com
sAh, so this helps explain why I feel back in the soup of transmutation. After such a long period of powerful peace, the contrast is less then pleasant. My body feels achy, I feel a bit nauseous, my nerves are jumpy and still, all is well. I love to understand things even though I know that is often the booby prize. I have had three messengers offering me a gift, showing me it is now time to drop the last remants of my “hardened armor.” Three people over the last 6 months have comment either on my openness, my shift toward greater openness or on an energy of protection I was again emitting yesterday. I experienced each of these women also as previously or currently very protective or guarded and was curious why they felt drawn to share with me. Now I see this is the pattern that is arising for me to complete. Much of my life was spent in a protective, guarded stance. I could be alternatively very open to life, to adventure but internally keeping myself closed away to not be hurt, literally hunched over my own heart. I could explain why I became this way but that does not have much value to me. I can tell you I experience all the women who gave me feedback as intuitive and sensitive to energy, able to read people. I see the gifts this hard medicine has brought. It was very uncomfortable yesterday to be back in that place of feeling so guarded after months of inner openness and freedom. I can’t say this will be the last time I will ever taste this better brew. I can say I am drinking from it now, loving my tender heart through this reenactment of such a painful period of my life. Interestingly I asked my dearest friend locally if she had ever seen that side of me and she had not, despite being the person I spend the most time with individually. The protective mode generally comes up either in groups or when I am around people who do not feel trustworthy.
Curiously I was just around two men that triggered feelings of fear. Both are highly respected authorities with lots of credentials, experience, status from their knowledge and expertise. Both shared information with me that felt inaccurate and fear based. Both shook me and I ended up doubting my own knowing. Both felt very based in 3D reality with no significance given to the more mystical realms of 5D. One asked me what I did shortly after meeting me. When I explained my passion is about helping all I meet ground themselves in love, he immediately asked me if I had been able to monetize that. Huh? So I asked myself why I gave them such authority in my inner reality. It is something I am still looking at.
Many people I spoke to lately have mention an inner loneliness arising, a strong desire for community, intimacy and connection. Something is coming back to life after years in the underworld. (See this post: http://www.jenniferposada.com/off-the-hook.) This time in the underworld can feel so grueling, so endless, so exhausting, sometimes even so futile. But I promise you, based not on experience but on an inner knowing, this journey will bring us the fruits we desire, a nectar so delicious it will soon erase all memory of the pain. But returning to the promised land does involve some effort on our part for sure or, as I heard Jim Self say, some assembly is required. We do not fall of the turnip truck into heaven. Yet the way is strewn with innocence, with our own loving hearts leading us as we stumble and fall yet make no mistakes, do nothing wrong. Yes, the journey can be so complicated, feel endless and dark, push us way beyond our limits. Yet I have tasted the mastery, the peace and even little glimpses of joy that say yes, stay the course, stay through the pain, the lonelissness, the self doubt, the suffering, the confusion until the light dawns. We do not go to the light and drag it to us. We merely keep walking and let it come to us. The time is coming to let down our guard, to know our own hearts are stawart enough to hold us through the most treachourous circumstances, to keep us safe even if no one and nothing else is there to protect us. We are the ones we have been waiting for. As our hearts open to our own love and safety, slowly or quickly, life begins to shower us with blessings now that we no longer depsperately hunger for them. The time of great wonder is arising, I promise you, as long as you commit to the assembly required which is primarily restoring yourself to inner safety and self love, one step at a time.