Today with the full moon I am feeling this extraordinary sense of aliveness. A new energy is flooding me, bringing me back to earlier times in my life where I was filled with passion, enthusiasm, hope. Given so may years of alternately feeling frustrated, angry, hopeless, jumping out of my skiing anxious, despair, terror, exhausted, flat lined, indifferent, stressed, or squeezed this is beyond a welcomed relief. It somehow made me think of a poem I wrote some years ago in memory of one of the most powerful few hours of my life. I had felt one of the most stunning feelings of connection I ever remember. I write of first merely seeing then meeting a person for less then 24 hours and how his memory stayed with me. As best as I remember, we never touched beyond a possible hug. Maybe we did, I truly don’t remember if we kissed but I am fairly sure we did not. It was beside the point. The feeling of aliveness was a tsunami of joy. What I am beginning to experience is something similar. Part of it is new connections and interesting experiences opening to spaces in my life that had been closed for a very long time. Yet more of it is no longer looking primarily to an outside source for my sense of connection or joy.
Super Chief 2/5/11
It was one day like any other
I sit eating the microwave chicken on plasticware
Glance up
Eyes catch across two tables, lock and freeze
Lightening flashes between us I can not look down
My uniform no defense I stare paralyzed
Heart pounding staccato rhythms
Mind blank
The dark landscape passes unheeded
Mountains dim in the moonlight
The pull an ocean tide unstoppable sweeping me to dark water I want to rise and grab him
Meeting again after eons apart this stranger I never knew
My heart swears we’ve known each other across millennium
I want to swim in his eyes and drown
Finally I remember who and where I am I can not approach him
Know I’d be lost forever
Job hurtled away in impatience I haul myself to the back of the train pacing
Forget my duties as supervisor of the staff
Meaningless
How can they quench this firestorm?
Stay in the back of the train
Afraid to actually come in range
Sleepless I finally cross into dangerous territory
Checking seats for his sleeping form
Breathless when I discover him
Peer at his hatcheck in the dim light
Going to Lamy, no doubt onto Santa Fe
Breath easier knowing we have almost 12 hours to be within a crossable distance of each other
Morning light I prowl
Steps jerky and controlled
Unable to cage myself any longer I rush through the train
He sits in the lounge car
Eyes penetrate “I’ve been waiting for you” he says immediately
We steal into a unoccupied room and talk for hours
Every secret revealed
The bond a connection solid as stone
One I have never known
The seconds tick away
Squeeze a lifetime into a few hours
Heart beats over 30 years later remembering
Molten gold pours through me in awe
Trees, tunnels, mountains pass in a blur
His stop approaches I hit the ground with him
Every muscle straining to fly away together
My feet move after him
The call of job, boyfriend absolutely worthless
Yet now I am speechless
Unable to trace his departure
Decades later, the certainty smolders
Etched in my heart
What stopped me
Question for years why I didn’t ask for phone or address
Wonder where the magnetic pull will sweep me next
Oo……sounds like a wonderful adventure! Train travel was/is wonderful.
<3
Yes, it is like another world, was a great job while I had it. I met so many interesting people who spoke so freely as though the train were a place where all rules of separation went out the window. Couple that with the constantly shifting gorgeous landscapes and it was quite an experience.
S… Are you sure that he was a mortal human? I had a similar experience. I had a car accident & just before I totalled the car & was knocked unconscious, I said sorry for leaving (to my kids)… but I lived & as I gained consciousness a perfect male offered to assist me climb out of the wreckage & he held my hand by the road. I didnt ask his name & he was immaculately dressed & divine!!! Later on I saw a photo of Master Hilarion & I knew it was him. Trisha Downunder
Interesting, I never thought of that. As I said, the energy of it has stayed with me for decades. There was something almost unearthly about it, it was so intense. You may be on to something. I don’t remember at all how he looked, only the feeling, yet I don’t remember anything unusual except of course that he was adorable. Wonderful story about how you were assisted after your accident. Life is so magical and mysterious!