What a relief to be mostly free of trying and control. Those bad boys had plagued me all my life. So to be able to relax and let things unfold, ah, such relief. But comparison still trips me up. I live in a community of some very conscious people with extraordinary lives and I have the difficult tendency to compare myself to one person in particular and come up short. I truly admire her and am impressed with her service in the world. Wish I could just leave it at that. I have another dear friend who has shared the moment to moment journey with me. Often she was doing well when the bottom was dropping out for me, when I could not sleep and I was plagued by hideous fears while she sailed along. Yet now I am mostly out of the tunnel while she flounders.
Then too sometimes I look at others and realize they are still stuck in special relationships or lost in judgment. I then sometimes give myself a pat on the back, like high five, yea, I’m cool. Yet that also does not feel good.
My understanding is we are all on our own timelines. My guides told me there was a time factor to my awakening, that I was being given a rush job to get me in place by a certain time. I had told them I was being pushed to the breaking point and could take no more. I literally thought I could crack up or go insane and I was ready to check out of the human game. They assured me I had been through the worst and apologized for the rushed job. So I am grateful to the forerunners who had even more intense pressure on them to get them ready for the ones to come next. I drew a mandala in 1997 showing this progression and now I am seeing it come to fruition. It does not matter where we are in the timing, it is perfect for our development. Can we trust that and not compare? I know it can be hard for those still feeling stuck to hear others are getting free because of COMPARISON. Can we let that comparison go?
So I do what I always do, love the one who still feels the need to compare. In the past I would pull out a million techniques and try to “fix” myself. How lovely not to feel the need to do that. I just listened again to a channeled session with my guides. Sahia was telling me I need to stay at a higher plane of consciousness in order to release my residual limitations around my work and money. I need to rest in a greater certainty of my unlimited nature. Yea, I get that. In the past I would have gotten crazy, tried and tried to fix it by blasting it with a million strategies. Now I just went, o.k., wonder how that will work itself out. This journey is never about beating ourselves into submission. It is always about loving ourselves back Home.
Egos are attention seeking, asking us to give ourselves the love and attention we have not yet gotten enough of. So to punish, blame, judge, compare is absolutely counter productive. Our egos are aspects of our inner children, hungry for the love they deserve yet have not yet received fully. If you reading this, you know it is not others whose love we seek, rather our own. If we were well loved as a child, this external seeking will be much less. Yet in the end it is almost every human in this time period on earth that forgot the love they are. Our hungry inner children then poke and prods us for the only love that can whole us, our own. They resent and resist the spiritual bypasses we tend to use to replace the need to love ourselves, hoping spirituality will fix us, devoting ourselves to the spiritual journey instead of our own love. THAT was a trap I fell into for decades. As Matt Kahn says in this UTube, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fUzXQS3M-s&list=UUHyGxx33FQ2cbZqPMh4hi_Q always speak to yourself like a five year old in pain. Anything esoteric will just not fly. If you wouldn’t say it to a sad five year old, don’t say it to yourself, trying to justify or explain your pain as a spiritual lesson. Baloney, your child will say, I don’t care they may tantrum, so listen up, listen to your own innocent heart, knowing our innocence is the guardian of our souls. As an added bonus Matt promises it is our relationship with our inner children that opens “the floodgates of abundance.” They are also the ones that can block us from our joy until they get the attention they deserve. Let’s refill ourselves, one I love you at a time, sent to our broken hearts and sad inner children. Let’s send our ourselves Home to the Love that we are.