I did something unusual this morning to counter the heaviness I have been feeling. I went to a small local park. It is filled with equipment from the gold mining industry that has defined this region. Gold was discovered for the first time not too far from our community. Some people say it is the frequency of the gold still underground that attracts so many highly conscious people to the region.
While at the park I saw the most stunning rock cairns perched precariously by the rushing stream. There was also a large arrangement of flowers nestled next to the splashing water. Seeing it soothed my soul. I am grieving for a loss and it is bringing up a sting of losses. I feel too tired to grieve yet there it is, whether I have energy for it or not. I am way too experienced to repress or deny it as I know then it would come around and bite me in the ass. So I allow it, I feel it.
I was so moved by the cairns I asked my daughter later if she would like to see them. When we got there, a man was crouched by the flowers, adding to them. They were now even more stunning. He came up from the creek and I thanked him for this tranquil display. He told me about his life, how he became homeless after an uninsured accident led to his being unable to work. He told me how he had raised $600 and bought warm clothes at the thrift store for a number of homeless people. His social security and military benefits were not available to him for complicated reasons. With the help of friends, he was balancing the stones delicately into soaring testaments of dignity and courage. He told he he had a proposal to the city council to do a more permanent display with Christmas lights that the council would vote on next week. He told me that being homeless was not so bad and that he had learned a lot and made close connections. I was deeply moved by his dignity, his lack of self pity and his courage to keep creating beauty and seemingly to maintain his faith in life. His steadfastness in the face of such challenge was a gift to me. While my grief is still present, it is embraced by this lovely encounter which shall stay in my heart for a very long time.
(photo by Ciela)
BEAUTIFUL photo, Ciela! You’re a good photographer. And it’s a lovely scene.
I’m sorry for your loss, Savannah. Sending you heart-healing and a big hug.
(I’ve been feeling some sort of free-floating grief this morning, too, but for no special reason. Yet, yesterday was joyful. “Go figure!” Lots of astrological stuff, etc. happening, though.)
Thank you so much. We again had an amazing encounter with the homeless men that live there, one of whom painted us a memorial painting for her. Such an unexpected gift in the midst of sorrow. I will write about it when energy permits. So glad yesterday was joyful. Yes, it feels like it is combining with even extra free floating grief. I understand that feeling. Let’s see what the full moon brings.